...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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