i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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