I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
