My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
