I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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