You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
