Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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