Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
