yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
