one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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