DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
