sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
