You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
