I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
