I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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