i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
