walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
