gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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