So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
