So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
