dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
