he wants to bone in the snuggie
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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