saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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