I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
