Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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