She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
