What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
