first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
