Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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