We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
