Cold hands, warm shart.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this will be a night to untag.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize