Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Couch. On fire.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
