Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
