So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
