I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
