Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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