Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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