I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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