You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
