We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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