I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
