if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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