Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
