idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
