College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont even know how to be here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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