Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
