I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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