You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
