So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
