After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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