Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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