So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
