This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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