happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
