JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
