i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
